Pages

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Friday flash fiction F-F-37

I've re-written this as I had misread the rules - thought it was a minimum of 250 characters not words. So here's my latest version with more words.

"As with juggling, the key to life is to keep the procession moving steady and don't look down." That's what he told her. He had never been physically violent, but his cunning manipulation of words had left her nowhere to live inside her own mind.

She had to get away from him for a while. Her body and mind were both aching from built-up tension and she felt like a finely-set rat trap about to go off. It was early winter in the subtropics with cool nights and glorious clear warm days. The perfect time for camping out.

It felt so good to be out walking in the forest. Where she was headed was still on their property, but it seemed a world away from all the arguments. And what were the arguments about? She couldn’t even remember. All she knew was that he always woke up in a foul mood and blamed her for all the fights. “If only you could be more like so-and-so. She knows how to handle me” or “You’re too sensitive/dependent/whatever.”

Climbing the mountain with camping gear and food for several days on her back was hard and slow, but with each step she felt she was becoming herself again - the woman she had known before he had filled her mind with his ideas of who she was.

She was juggling all his crazy words inside her head as she proceeded steadily up the ridge. And she looked down. She had to. If she didn't she would trip over the rocks and tree roots. Then all his words came tumbling down and she was free.

14 comments:

  1. Congratulations and welcome! You will be on the author list in seconds and your story will go up with the others in about 43 minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a cool moment. Welcome to FFF!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like concise! Clever evocation of an intense moment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like that one, Gaye. As Lewis said, very concise and very well written in so few words. Welcome to the 'club'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I made a mistake - I was counting characters instead of words. Hence my very, very short story.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Gaye, a very fine start to your FFF contributions. Enjoyed this short, but excellent tale.

    ReplyDelete
  8. What a wonderful intro to your work! I'm impressed - such a lot of emotion in so few words!

    (....and now I'm trying to imagine what you originlly wrote in 250 characters :-o Care to share? )

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Sue,
    Most of the second and all of the third paragraphs are new.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Welcome to the FFF crew. What a nice tight story to get started with.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks again for all your nice comments.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Short, yet powerfully packed. I'm in awe that you could say so much, hit so close to home with me, and leave me feeling awed in so few words.

    Great piece and welcome to FFF!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wow, thanks for your great comment, Coraline.

    ReplyDelete

WELCOME TO MY BLOG

As I walk by the river or sit in my tiny garden, not thinking of anything in particular, thoughts sometimes seep into my brain. If you'd like to read my seepage, here it is ...