I risked another trip to the supermarket yesterday. After last week's fiasco with the nit-picking mother (see my story "At the Checkout" on ThinkingTen"), I was understandably uneasy. But, after pushing my trolley uneventfully for a few minutes, I began to relax. Maybe I could, after all, run the gauntlet of the aisles without seeing or hearing something that would send me into paroxysms of inappropriate laughter this time.
But as I went past the deli counter, the shop assistant called out: "No. 1? Do we have a No. 1? No? How about a No. 2?" I couldn't stifle my laughter, but everyone else remained unsmiling.
No-one owned up to being No. 1 or No. 2, probably from embarrassment, but when she asked for No. 3, a woman said: "Yes, that's me". Clearly, she had never watched Miss Jocelyn, the English comedian, who has at least up to No. 4 for things you can do in the toilet.
Maybe such euphemisms are a bit twee, but I knew a family who went to the other extreme, saying things like: "We'll stop for a urination break soon" or "Mummy, I need to defaecate". I kid you not. I heard it firsthand while on a picnic with them. Those kids had never wee-weed or pooed their pants in their lives. It would have been linguistically improper.
Anyhow, I managed to finish my shopping and escape through the checkout without any more trouble.
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